When I first spoke about my psoriasis, it was a scary moment for me. Putting my face to my disease on the internet wasn’t an easy choice. But I didn’t really see any other way to get through all the different emotions that I was feeling without support. And I didn’t know how to attain that support without asking for it. Loudly. So, believe me when I say that admitting I am an alcoholic to you right now is absolutely terrifying.
As a writer (and just a person in general) I really felt obligated to speak out about this disease. About my disease. Just as I did with my psoriasis. But a lot of different fears held me back. What is my family going to think about me plastering my business all over the internet? My friends? Future employers? What are people from Alcoholics Anonymous going to think? This is, after all, supposed to be anonymous. So, I had to make a decision. And my decision was this…
Getting sober is the most significant thing I have ever done for myself. It’s changed my life. Sure, I don’t wake up with hangovers anymore but that’s just the very tippy tip top of the iceberg. It doesn’t even begin to explain how my life has changed. The way I feel about myself in my own skin has changed. I wake up grateful in the morning and I close my eyes content and happy at night. Every day and every night. Isn’t that amazing? I have self-confidence today. Enough self-confidence to say, “I love you so much family and friends and fellowship, but I’m not breaking anyone’s anonymity but my own and I hope you can respect my decision to post this.”
I have amazing people in my life today. People I can count on twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. How many people can say that? I know if I make a call at 3am, that person is going to pick up and maybe even be at my door within the hour. I LAUGH today. I laugh so hard my stomach hurts and my eyes tear up and ruin my makeup (who cares, right? Re-apply!). I have faith today. I believe in something bigger and better than me. Something that has an amazing plan for me and my life. I have a job that I love and, as much as I bitch and moan about getting up at 6am, I look forward to it every day. And you know what? While we’re on the job part of this, 99% of the time when I told someone I was in recovery (even prospective employers), guess what? They respected my honesty in telling them and offered me the job.
When I first began talking about my psoriasis I was scared and lonely and I know the disease of addiction is no different. People are sick, sad, and suffering. People are dying. Who am I to sit idly by when maybe one tiny thing I say can help someone. No one out there should be alone in anything. In a world filled with amazing, compassionate and kind people, there’s no reason to feel like you can’t just reach out and touch someone. And that’s the reason for this letter to you. I want you to know that if you need to reach out, I’ll be on the other side.
“And if no one told you they love you today, I love you.”